


The Genius Catcher of Bats and Birds

by RedStarfish



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Light-Hearted, POV Outsider, pure silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:47:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25187398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedStarfish/pseuds/RedStarfish
Summary: It took a genius to catch Bats and Birds. It took a genius to take over Gotham City. It took a genius to- Oh goodness, what was a Crime Boss doing here?
Relationships: Batfamily Members & Jason Todd
Comments: 17
Kudos: 293





	The Genius Catcher of Bats and Birds

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't going to share this fic. It was a rough draft of an old fic idea and the writing was all over the place. But I wanted to post something light-hearted and silly because _Ports Bakery_ is very much on the angst train right now. So I polished this up and uploaded it. Please don't take this fic too seriously.

Taking over Gotham City was a pipe dream for most. But  _ he  _ was going to be the one to manage it.

What most villains in Gotham failed to recognise was that the bustling city was not only protected by Batman and Robin. No, it had a whole list of vigilantes.

To truly get one over Batman, any villain worth their salt must make contingency plans for when reinforcement inevitably arrived.

Staggering the capture of the Gotham vigilantes was the vital part of success.

Because this was the main goal, the Catcher had thus called himself thus. He would catch Batman and his brood in the midst of his many traps. There’d be so many that even the Bats won’t be able to avoid them.

He laid his traps carefully, planning for months, thinking of all the different ways the Bats would try to escape. They had an endless supply of gadgets after all. And given the way nothing ever seemed to kill them, the Catcher suspected they were all metas in disguise.

That was okay, the Catcher was a meta too. He was able to create metal traps with his mind. It was an overpowered power if he said so himself. His only real weakness was bullets or alien guns. They had projectiles too fast for him to react to.

The Bats didn’t use bullets. He’ll be fine.

When the traps were ready, the Catcher laid out his bait. He had managed to commander an entire schoolbus of children. The bus sat in the parking lot of an abandoned apartment block near Park Row.

The plan was going well. Batman and Robin had to deal with an insignificant escape at Arkham Asylum, so Red Robin was the first to arrive.

Despite his supposed smarts, Red Robin succumbed to the trap almost immediately. The Catcher didn’t bother revealing himself at that point. He would save that for the last group of backups. Or maybe when he got Batman, depending on his mood.

Red Robin, predictably, sent out a distress signal and soon the two Batgirls arrived on the scene. The Catcher captured them too. But he frowned at the low-grade selection.

A scrawny Robin wannabe and a couple of girls. Not the ideal start.

Still, they were all captured, with no hopes of escaping any time soon thanks to the Catcher’s meta abilities, so Batman was sure to follow soon.

Batman didn’t follow immediately. The Catcher had to send several messages out that he has a schoolbus of children held hostage.

Irritatingly, Batman still took his sweet time. The Catcher had been checking the online news to learn that Mr Freeze had the entire half of midtown hostage. He gritted his teeth. Figures that his debut night would be overshadowed by one of Gotham’s more established villains. Frustrating, but nothing he could do about it now.

Finally, Batman and Robin got things under control with Mr Freeze, and they landed in the parking lot with no problem.

They even brought Nightwing with them.

Perfect.

“Good evening, gentlemen!” the Catcher exclaimed dramatically, revealing himself from a safely far enough distance. “I am...the  _ Catcher _ . And I am here to capture the whole of Gotham.”

“The Catcher? You mean like the Ratcatcher?” Nightwing asked.

“Not like the Ratcatcher!” the Catcher snapped. “I don’t catch rats.” He summoned his meta powers. “I catch  _ bats _ .”

Several minutes later, the Catcher stood on the side of the captured Bats and made sure not to let them know he was completely out of breath and exhausted.

It ended quickly, but it took a bit of effort to capture the three remaining bats. Probably only several minutes, but much longer than the Catcher had anticipated.

Not that it mattered now. The vigilantes of Gotham were detained and trapped in one place! The Catcher had  _ done it _ !

“Oi!” a loud and angry voice called out.

The Catcher frowned. There should be no vigilante left. This was the whole batfamily. He turned around. And nearly tripped over his own feet at the surprising visitor.

Standing at the entry of the parking lot, stood Red Hood, the fearsome crime lord. Rumours had it that Red Hood juggled severed heads of Black Mask’s top lieutenants in front of him before shooting the guy and blowing up his office.

Red Hood was mostly involved in the drug trade. The Catcher was not selling drugs. There was no reason for him to be here.

“Who the hell are you?” Red Hood yelled, walking closer. His hands were already on his pistols. The Catcher swallowed. Guns were bad. But, he should introduce himself. It was imperative for people to know him if he wanted to take over the city.

“I am...the Catcher!” the Catcher exclaimed dramatically.

“The Ratcatcher? Where are your rats?”

Behind the Catcher, held high in the air by the traps, Nightwing snorted. The Catcher scowled at the vigilante.

“Not the Ratcatcher. The Catcher!” he yelled back at Red Hood.

Honestly, he should have researched more about the villains in Gotham when he was picking names. He hadn’t even realised there was a villain known as the Ratcatcher in Gotham City.

Red Hood, who had taken out one of his guns without the Catcher noticing, was now waving it nonchalantly in his direction.

“Yeah, you know what? I don’t care what you’re called. Get out of here. Before I shoot you full of holes.”

The Catcher frowned. Red Hood was a drug lord. “Why would you care about trapped Bats?” he asked.

“I don’t give a damn about them,” Red Hood snarled, his voice full of venom. The Catcher involuntarily took a step back. “They can die for all I care. But you’re in my territory. So get out.”

Territory. Crime Alley was Red Hood’s territory. The Catcher had known this. He knew Red Hood ran a tight ship with his drug business. He knew that the whole of Park Row and its surrounding areas were Red Hood’s territory.

He hadn’t thought Red Hood would pay any mind to non-drug related crimes in his territory. The Catcher berated himself for failing to consider this. There was no contingency plan for if a crime boss interrupted.

The Catcher stood as tall as he could. Guns were not a good match up with his meta powers. He could make traps, but he couldn’t make them faster than a gunshot. He settled for negotiation.

“If I give you one of the bats, may I borrow this place for a few hours?” he said as firmly as possible.

“I told you, I don’t care about them. Take them with you if you have to.” Red Hood punctuated this by aiming one of his pistols right at the Catcher. The Catcher did his best to calm his nervous heartbeat.

“I can’t move them right now. I’m in the middle of my interrogation.”

Red Hood’s grip on his guns tightened. “Then you get out.”

“But-”

“If you don’t leave in the next 5 minutes, I am going to shoot out your kneecaps.”

The Catcher bit his lip. He didn’t want to get hurt. But it had been a tough fight gathering all the heroes. The Catcher didn’t know when he’d get a chance like this again.

“Can’t we reach a compromise?” he asked tentatively.

“No. Get out and stay out of my territory,” Red Hood said again.

The Catcher grumbled and glared at Red Hood. “Fine.”

He headed home, leaving the schoolbus full of hostages and the captured Bats behind.

He was going to have to plan for that. Next time. He’d lay the bait in a place that wasn’t in Red Hood’s territory. He should probably make sure to avoid the territory of the other supervillains and the mafia at the same time too.

In the middle of the street, he raised a fist into the air and yelled “I shall succeed!”

\---

Thanks to the impromptu interruption of the resident Crime Boss, the Catcher had to re-juggle his schedule.

It took a while, but he managed to lay low for a few months and plan.

He was going to pick a busier place this time. More hostages. His last diabolical plan didn’t even reach the news. No one had known about him. No one had known he had captured every single one of the Bats.

It was unacceptable.

That’s why the new plan was picking a busier place. Specifically, Gotham’s most popular Shopping Mall.

It took a bit of preparation, his meta powers didn’t allow him to create traps bigger than a person, but he managed to completely isolate the Shopping Mall from outside influence.

Okay, he managed to isolate one section of the Shopping Mall from outside influence.

Specifically the underground parking space.

Not the large, multiple layered car park on the side, but the mostly unused underground one.

So maybe he was starting small. It didn’t matter, there were plenty of people in the underground parking space. Plus the screams of terror echoed off the walls very nicely here, amplifying the sound.

How he loved the sound of screams.

“Behold, the powers of the Catcher!” the Catcher shouted triumphantly into the air as he trapped people left right and center with his powers.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t call you the Parking Lot Squatter? You always seem to hang out in parking lots.”

It was Nightwing.

The Catcher spun around. “You shall pay for insulting me thus!” He then proceeded to catch Nightwing.

The vigilante seemed more prepared for him this time, annoyingly so, but the Catcher threw a few hostages into the air, and then Nightwing was too focused on rescuing those hostages. It didn’t take long to capture Nightwing.

“Where is Batman?” the Catcher asked. He had more patience last time, but this time, he wanted to capture Batman.

“He’s in Metropolis fighting some aliens,” Nightwing said calmly. “But relax. We’re more than enough to handle you.”

That’s when the rest of the bats and birds descended upon him.

If the Catcher was completely honest with himself, he panicked a little. He even hastily retreated at first, the narrow underground parking lot suddenly not good enough for him to maneuver. Not to mention all the damn blind spots.

Thankfully, he managed to buy enough time to escape down an alleyway. Not Crime Alley or any alleys in its surrounding areas, but a dark and dim alley nonetheless.

He had picked sunset to start his plan. And now twilight had fallen around him.

The Bats gave chase, no doubt trying to capture him and hand him over to the police. But no, he was the Catcher! He will get the upper hand. Especially when Batman wasn’t even in town.

Through some miracle, or more likely his hidden genius, the Catcher managed to capture all the Bats. Not including Batman, but the Catcher was sure he’d show up soon enough. Metropolis aliens or not.

“You know, you’re better than I expected,” Nightwing said, ever the chatterbox, even as he dangled upside down from a trap. “I thought last time was just beginner’s luck. Who knew someone who calls himself ‘the Catcher’ would actually have a brain.”

From next to him, Red Robin sighed. “Nightwing, please don’t aggravate the villain.”

“I’m paying him a compliment!”

“I do not need compliments from the likes of you,” the Catcher did his best to sound stern, despite the bloom of warmth inside of his chest.

“See, he’s blushing. He loves it.”

“Silence, I do not love anything! Unless it’s power.”

Robin made a disgusted face. Meanwhile, the rest of the Bats stifled their laughter. The Catcher felt his anger rise. He’s about to yell something intelligent and terrifying at them when a voice called out to him from the end of the alleyway.

“You again? What did I tell you about staying out of my territory?”

The Catcher gulped. It was the Crime Boss.

“We’re not in Crime Alley or Park Row,” he said, feeling meek. They weren’t anywhere near. Crime Alley was several blocks away. This couldn’t still be Red Hood’s territory.

“This entire region of Gotham is my territory,” Red Hood said. “Now leave.”

“I…”

“LEAVE!”

The Catcher jumped. Then he hightailed it out of there.

So much for that plan.

\---

It took a while to get over his failure. He had thought he managed to stay away from Red Hood’s territory. Who knew it spread so far and wide. He’d have to go to the other side of the island. Just to be sure he was not infringing.

The Catcher soothed himself that the plan hadn’t been perfect anyway. Because he hadn’t checked if Batman was in town. He made sure to check there were no international crises the first time.

It took another several months to lay down his next attempt. So far, his methods were working. If it weren’t for Red Hood’s uncanny ability to find him, he’d have been able to move onto the televised unmasking of the Bats by now.

So all he had to do...was make sure to stay out of Red Hood’s territory.

It wasn’t a parking lot this time. It was a warehouse. No schoolbus of children or handful of civilian shoppers either.

This time, he managed to capture Robin first. Batman was always overprotective of his Robin.

“I am the CATCHER!” the Catcher yelled into the camera of his phone. “I have Robin hostage. If you want to see him alive, come to this location!”

Two hours later, the Catcher had captured the entire Batfamily. Again.

“You really are much better than expected,” Nightwing said. He was stuck to the wall this time. “Every time we make a plan to take you down, you’d change your methods. It’s pretty impressive.”

“Of course! That’s because I am...the Catcher! I will be the one to take over Gotham City!”

“Are you sure you don’t want a career change?” Nightwing, the ever insufferable fool, asked. “Arkham Asylum could really use someone like you on the team.”

“No! I do not want a career change! Did you not hear me? I will be the one to take over Gotham City!”

“Well, if you’re sure…”

“I’m sure!” the Catcher exclaimed.

“I just think that-”

“Silence!” the Catcher summoned his powers and tightened Nightwing’s restraints. He didn’t stop until Nightwing let out a choked gasp.

That’s better. It would not do to have the vigilantes he’s captured making fun of him.

Honestly, suggesting him a job at Arkham Asylum. What sort of fool did Nightwing take him for.

A shot rang out. The Catcher fell to the ground. The pain was so strong that it took him a moment to realise it was coming from his right knee.

“I warned you,” Red Hood said menacingly as he stalked into the warehouse. “I said I’d shoot out a kneecap if I found you in my territory again.”

The Catcher gaped at him.

“Crime Alley is on the opposite side of the island!”

“I'm expanding.”

“To the whole of Gotham?” the Catcher asked incredulously.

There was a brief pause, as if Red Hood was mulling it over. “Sure, why not.”

“No! **_I_** am the one who is taking over Gotham! You can’t do this to me!”

The Crime Boss responded by shooting his other knee.

The Catcher howled in pain and frustration.

\---

On a rooftop not far from where the Catcher had captured the Batfamily of Gotham.

“Okay seriously, you guys need to stop doing this. I can’t come running at every distress signal. It’s bad for my rep.”

“But we miss you,” Nightwing pouted with melodrama. “You’re not answering your phone.”

“I’m busy! I have a drug empire to destroy.”

“Maybe if you’d come to Penny One’s Sunday lunches once in a while, we wouldn’t have to resort to things like this,” Red Robin replied.

“As much as I hate to agree with Red Robin, he has a point,” Robin huffed. “Father becomes extremely ‘mopey’ if he doesn’t see you for too long.”

Red Hood turned to Batman. “Mopey? Really?”

Batman didn’t respond at first. But then he said, “Nightwing is right. We miss you.”

Jason almost choked on air. He had to get out of there before he had a heart attack. “I gotta go. There’s a meeting with my henchmen.” He ran to the roof’s edge, grapple gun in hand. “I’ll see if I can free up this Sunday,” he mumbled. Then he jumped off the roof.


End file.
